Just Be U Blog

teen girl sad about parents divorce

Divorced Parents: Dealing with Divorce

By Harriet Turk / November 8, 2022

The mouse had a broken leg, and it was squirming on the concrete, suffering.  A 12 year old girl stood over it cringing, holding a shovel in her hands, and feeling sorry for the little creature.  She looked over her shoulder, through the kitchen window, and saw her mom cringing even harder. The girl didn’t want the animal to suffer anymore, so she raised the shovel, poised to strike.  My friend, Anne, told me this story about the time she had to dispatch a mouse.  Her parents divorced a few years before, and she lived with her mom.  Anne felt responsible for taking on traditionally male-dominated tasks for her mother.  She lifted the heavy things, worked outside, and, in this case and a few others, dispatched of the creepie crawlies. Several years later, her mom got remarried, and Anne felt relieved that her mom would be safe, and wouldn’t be alone, when Anne went off to college.   Anne’s mom was not the least bit incapable of handling things on her own. She’d been a single mom before, she had a steady job, and she was the more responsible of the two parents.  She managed most household tasks even when she…

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Ties: Dealing with Divorce

By Harriet Turk / November 8, 2022

I didn’t think about it until it was too late. 

Andrew had to wear a tie to school. 

It’s customary for the football players to dress up on game days. I knew this, but I had never equated “dressing up” to wearing a tie—a tie that Andrew didn’t know how to tie—until now. 

Our lifestyle rarely requires Andrew to wear a tie, and in the past when one was required, he’s chosen a pre-tied bow tie. But now that he was in high school, he wanted to wear a regular tie. 

It was 6:00 am, I am a single mom, his dad doesn’t live with us, and neither Andrew nor I knew how to tie a tie. In 15 short minutes, we needed to leave for school. 

Andrew came barreling down the stairs, freaking out.

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God Hates Divorce?

By Harriet Turk / November 4, 2022

When I travel, I make sure I have time for breakfast, because I love waffles, and the hotel chain I like lets you make your own. When you travel as much as I do, it’s the little things that matter. Shortly after my divorce, I was sitting at a table eating when I overheard two ladies deep in conversation. One was saying how it was time to confront their mutual friend who was leaving her husband. As far as they knew, their friend didn’t have a Biblical reason for doing so.  My waffle was going to get cold. I put down my fork and started eavesdropping. “You just don’t leave because you get tired. God hates divorce.” One lady said that yes, indeed it was time, because she hadn’t heard of any Biblical reason, even though she knew their friend’s husband couldn’t be easy to live with. He didn’t treat her that well, and it was a troubled marriage, but, and I quote, “You just don’t leave because you get tired. God hates divorce.” The other friend shook her head yes, and replied, “She needs to work it out. What about her kids?”  I shut my eyes and took a…

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November Gratitude Calendar

By Harriet Turk / October 31, 2022

Download this November calendar, and make it the background on your computer or print it out and stick it on the fridge. Daily prompts to help you feel better, make a difference in the world, and practice gratitude. Also check out this post that has 10 gratitude prompt questions at the end!

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feeling alone

Stop Thinking You’re Alone, Look for Lessons & Make a Gratitude List: Tips When Life is Tough

By Harriet Turk / October 31, 2022

When things are hard and you’re feeling alone, you might tend to hide.  This can stem from embarrassment, feeling too overwhelmed to know who to reach out to, or the belief that you don’t have anyone to reach out to.  But most people have been through hard things, even if it’s not the same thing you are experiencing.  Most people are kind and willing to do what they can.  

If you’re feeling like everyone is too busy, and like you would be a burden, remember that we are all in different seasons of life.  Keep reaching out and you’ll find the person who is in a great season of life to help, and later when you’re in that season, you’ll help them or someone else. 

You can start by asking for something small:

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be kind to yourself

Be Kind to Yourself by Changing 15 Minutes of Your Day: Tips for When Life is Tough

By Harriet Turk / October 28, 2022

Sometimes it’s as simple as asking, “Would I say this to someone I love?” when we’re thinking an unkind thought about ourselves.  If the answer is no, reframe the thought to something more positive and then do something kind for yourself. 

This can start with simply changing 15 minutes of your day.
12 Tips to Change 15 Minutes of Your Day

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hanging on

Stop Asking Why & Hang On: Tips for When Life is Tough

By Harriet Turk / October 25, 2022

If the situation you are going through is not by choice, and especially if it is something traumatic, it’s totally normal to feel these feelings of loss in an even more profound way.  You might be asking “Is this really happening?  This can’t be real! (Denial)“  And then you may move to asking “WHY?!  Who could do such a thing to another person?  It’s not fair! (Anger)” And  “What did I do to deserve this?  If I did something different, could I go back and change this? (Bargaining)”  Those are totally normal feelings and questions, and it’s ok to even wallow in them for a time (Depression). 

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7 Tips to Try When Life is Tough

By Harriet Turk / October 13, 2022

“I can’t do this anymore. “

I’ve said this more times than I want to admit.

It’s how I feel when I’m overwhelmed. It’s how I feel when I am afraid of the next step. It’s how I feel when I don’t feel in control of my situation. It’s how I feel when I think I’m the only one in a certain situation.

Yet, somehow I still do. Why and how? Because to stay alive, that’s what you do. You keep going even when it’s tough….These seven tips for getting through tough times are what I practice when I start to mentally chant, “I can’t do this anymore.”

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Five Challenges of Teen Girls

By Harriet Turk / October 7, 2015

Five Challenges of Teen Girls and What to Do About Them Teen Truths: Helping Adolescent Girls through the Challenges Each year, I speak at conferences, schools, and other youth-oriented events all across the United States. Following these presentations, I always hear from girls who were in the audience. Through emails, Facebook messages, letters, and even phone calls, these young women share their challenges, successes, and concerns for the future. Many of them ask thought-provoking questions about how to handle difficult situations. Throughout the years, I have noticed five common topics that link our young women regardless of their race, socioeconomic status, or state of residence. Every single time I hear from one of these girls, she is repeating themes from the same five challenges. Every teen girl does not experience every challenge. But every teen girl is challenged by one or more of these five universal concerns. I am not a licensed counselor. I am not a certified teacher. I am, however, a professional who has worked with teens for more than 25 years. Because I understand them, teens feel free to talk with me. As a result, I have gained their trust. It has been a privilege to help…

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About the Just Be U curriculum

By Harriet Turk / September 13, 2015

JustBeU is a CCSS approved curriculum that teaches girls how to break the mold, overcome their fears and realize their true worth through a self-discovery journey of finding the real “U” inside each of them. More than that… it changes lives. Purchase your copy of the Just Be U curriculum today! View our store page here.

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